I Want To Cut You Open a review of "I Can Be Killed" dir. Horatio Allen (2025) by Lucas Miller

Horatio Allen's 'I Can Be Killed' depicts a trans college student whose desperation after a cancelled top surgery leads him to take extreme measures. The disturbing atmosphere is set via voyeuristic point of view and an ambient drone, even when the events are seemingly innocuous. Our central character, Lev, meets with a cis man for a hookup, only to find that he's being fetishized for his pre-op chest. The film is interspersed with anti-trans news footage, pushing tension to its breaking point.

The cancellation of the surgery sets in motion a breakdown that has Lev consult Reddit, where an anonymous user offers to perform the operation, under the condition that it's filmed (and obviously will end in death).

The remainder of the film takes the form of a snuff film, lingering on cuts done without anesthesia, as he's tied to the ceiling. The anonymous killers in ski masks and black gloves appear to worship his body as they drink his blood and make slow movements as lumps of blood and fat fall to the ground, taking care in stitching him back together even after death.

Over half of the film is nearly silent, dedicated to eroticizing the violent consequences of having no other options. Though in many other films that depict a violent end for a desperate character (something like ass to ass in Requiem for a Dream) the consequences feel neither a moral judgement nor a tearjerking tragedy, but an absurd and almost cathartic revelation.

It feels, though reckless in a realistic sense, like an act of courage to sacrifice yourself in such a way. In reality, and as shown in the "concerned" Reddit comments, people looking out for your best interest, ("Don't do this!" "Call the crisis hotline!") the gravity of the feeling of dysphoria and possibility of never being able to change is discarded and treated as frivolous. This is especially true in the case of gender affirming (which as a word I don't care for) surgeries, in this case top surgery, which is regularly referred to as "mutilation". The film takes this depiction to its extreme, as in, 'you want to see what ACTUAL mutation looks like?' (not a quote)

When watching with an audience, though the subject matter isn't funny at all, there were a few knowing chuckles in moments such as the acquiescence to "Fuck me topless, I'll give you everything I have." This soon turned to audible gasps and winces at the gore. One person left the room at a particularly gory moment but I don't want to sensationalize, it could've been for another reason.

I believe a lot of current trans/gay media (since trans is really few and far between) feels a need to overcompensate for the Buffalo Bills and Dressed to Kill cross dressing murderer stereotypes, by making saccharine films that prioritize "joy". While there is a place for images of triumph, depicitions of gentleness and a refusal to be defined by misery, it is nice to know that there are still artists willing to be provactive, not only for the sake of it but for the quality of complicated and difficult artwork.